Rethinking Charisma & Reciprocity

There is an old saying in politics that there are no permanent friends nor permanent enemies, only permanent interests. In love and life, you never give without reciprocity. The notion of unconditional/ unrequited love is a misnomer set up for individuals who don't get what they want and are made to feel good about it.

People generally give for two reasons: To feel good about themselves and/or to get something in return. By second-guessing your motivations and expectations, you undermine your charisma. In most instances, the demand that you put out for reciprocity returns to you regardless of your intentions. A woman who plots and plans to make a million dollars will get what she wants by the moves she makes towards that goal despite giving to charity or hording it all to herself. One must be objective about the process, but subjective about the intention. On the world stage, there are rich misers and poor philanthropists--people who thrive without giving and others who give without thriving.

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The Art of Selfishness

1. Conditioning yourself to take as much as you give

If someone tells you that they only want the best for you without a personal agenda attached within the proposal, walk in the other direction. Generally, people look into most situations with a "What's in it for me" mentality. Whether it's love, family or job, people want to gain from the situations they experience. The object for achieving success is not to take so much so as to hurt the next person. It is understood that we will take what we need, but we should leave enough for the other party or risk creating an enemy.

2. Realizing that you are the center of your universe

You see the world and everything in it from your vantage point! Consequently, your world revolves around your viewpoints and perspectives. Your experiences, beliefs and environment help define your reality. Since your world can only change by expanding your level of awareness, it behooves you to do so. By reading, traveling and living vicariously through others experiences, your universe expands, so as not to be totally consumed by your individual "finite" world. By expanding yourself, the residual effect extends to the world.

3. Being accountable to your commitments . Whether you are entering a marital or business contract, you can never become "one" with the contractor. In the agreement, you still bring your worldview as the other party brings theirs. As such, you may agree on the terms in the hopes that all parties will abide by their commitments, but nothing is guaranteed with people naturally acting in their own interest. At best, we must compile all the facts insuring that it "feels" right with our sensibilities in upholding our agreements. The best deal is one where both parties feel that their interests were served!

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