Dear Mr. Brown:
I recently had a spirited discussion with my boyfriend about a man we know that can be best described as good-looking, educated and charismatic. Over the years, Chad (not his real name) has dated many women, but has repeatedly claimed to have not met the right woman to marry. How is it possible for a man to have so much going on, but can’t find the woman of his dreams?
New York, NY
Dear Ms. McArthur:
For a minute, I thought you were talking about me. (Just kidding). I am firm believer that if a man wants to be married, he will be married. It has been often said that women control who has sex, but men control who gets married. Women, who ask men why they are still single, view marriage through their own eyes, not the eyes of men. Earlier this year, I watched an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show about a woman who married a man sentenced to life in prison without any chance of parole. I sat there wondering what could a convicted man, serving a life sentence, say to a woman that would make her say “I do” to that man in marriage. If a convicted man could find a wife given his limited choices, why couldn’t a single, free, handsome, educated, and charismatic man not find a wife if he was truly looking for one?
I suggest that men who are handsome, educated, and charismatic want the freedom that goes along with being single and free. Chad is not looking for marriage, because whatever a potential wife is willing to offer him, there are countless women willing to do the same without the necessity of marriage. Many contemporary men, while valuing the institution of marriage as a concept, do not see the long-terms value of marriage unless children are involved. If Chad is over 40 years of age, he has run the gamut of women. Some women were marriage material and others were mere opportunities to have fun. Do not ever believe a heterosexual man who says he cannot find a woman to marry. It is a ploy to throw you off his real intentions, which is to remain single and free until there is no more value in it. Once the bloom begins to diminish from his rose, he’ll seek and find a wife. On the upside, she will be getting a man who is more settled and wiser due to age. On the downside, he is giving her a diminished version of his past self, which he would never have shared when he was at his best.