Dear Mr. Brown:
Recently, I read comedian Steve Harvey’s book, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man….” He gave some good pointers for women to follow in attracting and maintaining the man of their dreams. One suggestion Steve provides is for a woman to wait 90 days before engaging in physical intimacy with a man. Do you think rules work on charismatic men or do women need a different manual for dealing with charismatic men?
Dear Ms. Johnson:
Thank you for your inquiry. First, Steve Harvey has done a great job of extended his brand into relationship expert, game show host, TV and radio celebrity, and bestselling author. Any man who has lived over 50 years has learned a few lessons along the way. However, any notion of a “one size fits all” approach to dealing with men should be viewed carefully. There are instances when a couple has had sex on their first date and spent the rest of their lives together. Conversely, there have been couples who have waited until marriage to have sex and the marriage ended in divorce. Harvey’s idea is admirable for women to gain men’s respect before having sex. But, it is quite possible for a man to wait 90 days to have sex with a woman, while having sex with a series of other women in the interim. For women to control the sexual habits of men, women throughout the world have to agree on the same agenda. In other words, every woman in the world has to agree and communicate the conditions in which sex will be expended to men. Since the self-interest of women will always take precedent over collective interests, women will not wield any true power in this arena. Women exercise the greatest amount of power and influence over men when men are in love with them, not because they are necessarily having sex.
Better advice for women would be to study the psychological make-up of men and the ways men gain and leverage power. Again, a woman cannot control a man by withholding sex unless every woman in the world has agreed to withhold sex from the same man. A woman can maintain her moral standards by refusing to indulge in sex with certain men, but this is where her control ends.
In addition, charismatic men often wield a certain degree of power---perceptually and realistically. Consequently, charismatic men do not have to wait any amount of time to have sex when they desire. Every man has experienced some form of rejection from women. The issue is not how often a man fails to achieve his sexual objectives, but how often he achieves his objectives despite rejection. For every three women who reject a handsome, smart, and charismatic man (due to insecurity, mistrust or disinterest), another woman will provide all the comfort he needs.
Books, movies, and symposiums can be great empowerment opportunities for women, but these tools should serve as a basis for self-mastery and understanding the core of human nature.