Thursday, September 24, 2009

Charisma & The Real Power of Women

The proverbial "Battle of the Sexes" was really never a battle. From a physical standpoint men may leverage power over women; but from the standpoint of real power of influence, women have always had more power than they might have imagined. In a Biblical sense, it was man's love of a woman that lead to his making choices adverse to his own existence. Women have influenced men in ways that either contributed to his greatness or downfall. The power lies in the occupancy of the heart. She who controls the heart of a man influences his actions. Generally, people often make decisions on emotions and then justify their actions through reason. Even the most powerful man in the world answers to his spouse. It is a shared relationship that involves mutual love, but if the woman is evolved, she has a great deal of influence over her man. Whether it is through platonic or romantic love, women have power to control every aspect of society.

The disparity comes when a woman does not know her individual and collective power. In relationships, the way to a man's heart is to gain his respect. A woman gains a man's respect by being a "friend to his mind." The cerebral nature of man is such that everything has to make sense before opening himself up to vulnerability. When a woman begins to cater to the man's wants and desires embracing his aspirations, he inevitably allows her into his inner sanctum. The inner sanctum is where the heart lies. When a woman gains a man's respect, he will give her the key to his inner sanctum. Once this inner sanctum has been entered, if she leaves, a piece of him goes with her. Respect brings about honor and if he dishonors her, he shatters his vision of his ideal, which causes him great pain and loss.

Many women do not exhort this type of power because they do not gain the man's respect. To gain this type of respect, a woman must be the paragon of a man's ideal of her. Her true power is finding her higher self, so that she can decipher misguided men who wish to prey on her versus the man whose inner sanctum she wishes to indulge. The work for the woman begins far in advance of her meeting her ideal man. When she has completed her self-analysis and reformation, she can attract her ideal man. It is her illusions that keep her from realizing her ideal self. The illusion that her beauty defines her value hinders her from fully developing. As a result, she grows old, disillusioned, and jaded without the privilege of re-gaining her years nor appreciating the lessons to be learned.

Man's love for women is a woman's greatest tool. If the world has not given women their just due, it is because women have not wielded their power effectively. The fact that women earn seventy cents to a man's dollar demonstrates the fact that women who are married to policy makers are not demanding parity from their spouse. The power that women command could influence public policy based on what transpires at the personal level. It is no mistake that prior to hiring executives, billionaire Ross Perot often visited the prospective employee's wife at their home to gauge whether she supported the rigors that came along with the job. He believed that the relationship the man had with his wife from 9:00PM to 6:00AM determined his effectiveness on the job from 9:00AM to 6:00PM. Perot felt that if the spouse was not supportive of the man's position, he would be an ineffective employee. That's the power of women! Sometimes women, who do not have to work based on their husband's position, are less altruistic to the needs of women who are not as privileged. In seeking selfish security, these housewives are not concerned with the disparity that exists among working women. Thus, a few women rest on their laurels and the rest are relegated to second class citizenry. Women let their illusions get in the way of their power.

Women can never be better than the idea they have of themselves and the world around them. The perception that this is a "man's world" is because women have not seized the power that is rightfully theirs. If the first recorded woman in history could influence her man to disregard the edicts of Divinity by eating an apple, what could a contemporary woman influence her man to do? There are a few ways women can manifest the real power they have if they are willing to shirk their illusions which is two-fold:

1. Women should commit to an idea of Self Mastery where they assume total responsibility and commitment to personal growth in all aspects of their life. This should be done through the idea of life-long learning, deeper insights into a spiritual connection with a higher power, and a sensible diet with a physical fitness regimen. Through Self Mastery, women may overcome self-hatred, violence, and non-productivity. These intangibles supersede the need for artificial stimulants, materialism, or codependency. Women who judge themselves to be successful feel empowered, value their existence, and are dedicated to preserving it. This can never be the responsibility of the people outside of her.

2. Women should commit to the idea of holding people responsible for thir actions. People Management is the idea that we monitor the people in our lives and determine if they meet the standards of treating us and others with proper dignity and respect. Part of the problem has been allowing loved ones to take advantage of us as well as others. We cannot dictate the behavior of others, but we can surely isolate them to the point where reform is better than exile. Women have to be brutally honest about what they want. Women are and will always be the greatest catalyst for influencing men and the direction of the world.

The power a woman manifests is correlative to the level of her development. She will forever rein as a dominant force on the stage of life whether she exercises her power or merely allows it to remain dormant. In this century, the women who utilize their power to the fullest extent will see the world better reflect the vision of their aspirations. The mirror of life is a reflection of our higher self in harmony with our greatest actions. As Magaret Thatcher once said,"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want things done, ask a woman."

For more information, visit: Charisma

Friday, September 18, 2009

Charisma & The Illusion of Power

Power, as an illusion, represents the idea that power is not created or conjured up, but transformed from one reality to the next. Reality is represented by one's mindset. Internally, nothing has changed, but externally, all has changed. Take for instance the idea of a rare and precious painting selling for millions of dollars years after the death of the painter. In life, the painter was a struggling artist who had rejected materialism and worldly possessions. The most he ever sold in his entire life was one painting for very little compensation. Over one hundred years after his death, on May 15, 1990, Vincent Van Gogh's (1853-1890) "The Portrait of Doctor Gachet" sold for an astounding $82.5 million! What changed from his last brush strokes over a hundred years? The answer is nothing! The painting is the same, but our reality of its worth has been transformed. The power behind the painting lies in the illusion that we ascribe to it. The painting did not change merely the power that we gave it.

Power is often the creation and maintenance of illusions. William Shakespeare (1564-1616) once said that he did not create new words, he merely took old words and made them new. His power and words have lived for nearly four hundred years. Power is a sought after force that is often misunderstood. More often than not, individuals treat the concept of power separate from themselves. They look to gain power by external means such as the accumulation of money, fawning over people believed to be powerful, or pretending to be something they’re not. Actually, the last perspective is the closest to gaining power, because it does begin with the individual perceiving himself as powerful, but in a more visceral sense. Power is not some obscure entity that must be wrestled from its captor so that the individual might enjoy its rewards. On the contrary, power is always present and seeks to accompany all that will have it. It often acts like the prudish schoolgirl who wishes to be romanced before she gives into her suitor. Often times, the best way to get her is to act disinterested and she will cater to your deepest desires. Power wants to be possessed, because it has no utilitarian value by itself. It is pure energy existing without any purpose other than the one we give it. Power in its purest form is the amalgamation of the intellect, creative expression, and physical action. Thus the essence of human kind is to usurp power for its own good. The birthright of humankind is to exercise power to dominate the earth for its betterment. All this rests with the individual realizing that power devoid of expression is an illusion.

The attainment of power begins by acknowledging that the expressions can be manipulated to bring forth power. It is safe to say that one must be the symbol of power before he can reap the benefits that power brings. The three ways that the individual may manifest power are:

· Think in terms of power
· Become the embodiment of power
· Talk directly to people who represent power

Related: Charisma

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Charisma: Reflecting Our Role Models

Regardless of who we are, we want role models who not only represent who we may become, but who look like we do. It is often not enough to have role models who merely share the same ethnicity, but who remind us of ourselves. Role models must come in every form to reflect the cosmetic look of all of society. Recently, the modeling world has come under fire for relentlessly pushing models whose physical appearances do not accurately reflect the general population. The general population is not extremely thin, blond haired with perfect teeth. We have flaws that do not come close to the images identified as the ideal. As a matter of fact, recent reports suggest that the flawless features exhibited by the models on magazine covers are not real. These "flawed" models have been air brushed or "digitally" manipulated to remove the bags under their eyes or the freckles on their face.

Images that help the self-esteem of individuals are the ones that society cries out for. Recently, a friend who has been in the woman's retail industry for numerous years revealed that the fashion industry popularizes and makes specific sizes for women in keeping the myths going. Consequently, if you are sizes 12-14 the industry popularizes sizes 6-8. This is tantamount to the "guess your weight game" at amusement parks. No matter what you do, the correct weight is illusive, because it is the ideal that is being sold, not the style!

It is natural for our ideals to be reflected in others. As social beings, we gather much of our motivation from the examples of others. One day we may believe something is impossible to accomplish, the next day someone has done the impossible. It gives us more hope when that person looks like us. This ideal crosses ethnicity. Brunettes want to marvel at the feats of other brunettes. Blonds want the same for other blonds. Dark skinned Blacks want to see other dark skinned Blacks accomplishing great things. We are specific in our affinities. The days of generalities are gone. Society has grown to the point where our desires are detailed. However, it is not necessary that we follow the same people we admire. There is no need to become a model because people say you look like a supermodel. If you are 6'6" and resemble Michael Jordan that doesn’t mean your aspirations should be to play basketball. Role models inspire us to strive for more, but we need not aspire for the exact same things they do.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Charisma & What I Learned In Elementary School That Changed My Life About Looks and Confidence!

Many of the challenges our youth face today are no different than the ones I faced growing up. The idea of peer pressure and fitting in is not a new phenomenon, although perhaps heightened by the omnipresence of the media. At the personal level, the same games played on the playground in elementary school are played in all stages of life. Being shy and introverted, I witnessed the social dynamics that go on with those deemed desirable versus those defined as "not happening." I grew up in New Haven, Connecticut, which would be described as the "hood" or a community predominated by Blacks. The power plays that go on in such a community are phenomenal. The family that had the most members wielded more power and control over families with lesser numbers. There were only two of us, which put me at the bottom of the totem pole. Consequently, the youngest in another family could bully me, because they had brothers who were older and bigger than I. If I were to fight the bully and win, I would be running from one of the older brothers until revenge was exacted. Coupled with the fact that I was not "cool" made for a frightful time.

My brother and I were reared by my mother and grandmother who were strict disciplinarians. We had to be in the bed every night at 8:30PM on school nights. While we were in bed, we could hear the kids we played with outside. They had to get up the next day for school also! The seemingly "cool" behavior of doing your own thing without discipline became valued in the community and trickled over to what the neighborhood saw as desirable. There was a tough demeanor that went along with this behavior, because it took on seemingly adult behavior that made them grow up faster than they should have. Many were getting high from marijuana and having sex. We were still in elementary school. I felt like a kitten in a jungle of lions and tigers. I was doing regular childhood things like playing football, baseball, and basketball. I had a paper route, got good grades, and won awards for "Perfect Attendance". I did everything right according to the rules. However, these are not the values of the "hood". Girls liked the rough and unruly types (the guys who defied any semblance of authority). The only girls who liked me were the ones who the cool guys did not want. If the girls had their choice, they would have had the cool guys. The girls would play a game that I hated called "who's the cutest boy in the class?" They would name all of the hunks and agree that each person they named qualified. They would say, "What about Eddie?" then emphatically say "naaaah". I was crushed! This scenario played out through high school. I went to high school with drug dealers and gangsters before the standard became "keeping it real."

By this time, I was respected among the honor students, but was still afraid of the gangsters (unruly students). Imagine being cool around the "bookworms" and a "nerd" among the cool guys. Surprisingly, I thought I was attractive. The girls apparently did not! I was still being picked by the girls who liked me rather than the ones I wanted. I decided around my senior year of high school that I would reinvent myself!

I committed myself to becoming the ultimate male. As a shy person, you observe a lot in your environment. I noticed what girls found attractive and went on a relentless course to become those things, which trickled into adulthood. The criteria changed as I got older, but many stayed the same. I determined that girls and women wanted:

· Good looks
· Big muscles
· Confidence
· The ability to protect them
· Street smarts
· Quick wit and the “gift of gab”
· Charm
· A degree of roughness mixed with sensitivity
· The ability to take care of oneself
· Inner strength
· Job stability
· Take charge person

I decided I would be all of these things so I could create and regulate my agenda. You are either working your master plan or someone else's. I’ve worked out (physically) since I was twelve years old. My mother bought me my first barbell weight set. I did mostly arm curls and that's what developed first. I maintained that regimen throughout my teenage years and continued with a more advanced program later. I liked school and books so I read more to be able to engage women in stimulating conversation. Women are seduced first through the mind and everything follows from there. Many men believe the reverse is true -- that if you solely satisfy a woman sexually that will keep her interested. With a library card, any man can become well read and intellectually stimulating. I find that reading philosophy, history, and sociology equips me to deal with the psyche of individuals. As humans, we are not as complex if we know how to read the background of individuals. For example, if we listened to people describe their childhood experiences, we could gauge why that person feels and acts as he does as an adult. Read the script that a person has read since childhood and you will know where his story leads. The more you read, the more you are able to follow the modes of thinking within individuals.

I developed my own style of dressing. It followed what was trendy at the time, but always with a twist. I remember in high school wearing a black shiny windbreaker reminiscent of Michael Jackson's "Beat It" jacket. I would wear a turtleneck shirt under my windbreaker and roll the jacket sleeves up so the shirt would show. I also wore a fake gold necklace, cuff pants, and suede Pro Keds sneakers. (Michael Jackson had not come out with the "Beat It" jacket yet or rolled up sleeves…he was still with the Jackson Five at the time.) I developed my own style of dressing that was uniquely mine, but not outlandish.

The difference between what I see in our youth today and my generation is that we developed our own sense of style around what was happening at the time. We did not follow a "cookie cutter" approach of everyone being and looking the same. The older you get, the more you should develop an air of distinction in your clothing taste. I do not condone individuals being stuck in a time zone. Our style should reflect our individual evolution as well as what is current or classic. As an independent individual, you have the right to wear what you like, but your nonverbal communication is saying something to the world about who and where you are and people will respond in kind. I read a book on classic clothing for men where I learned the optimum fabrics for suits. The bottom button on a vest and suit jacket should remain unbuttoned. I watch what the popular news anchormen wear to gauge what colors are popular and how to accessorize an outfit. Sometimes, I buy exactly what they are wearing if I think it would look good on me or copy the style and make it my own. As social beings, we are supposed to learn from each other. If everything stems from culture, none of this is etched in stone anyway and serves as a means of communication. If you want to convey a certain style, learn to communicate what you desire through the language of clothing.

I believe many of my friends are attractive is because I am defined as attractive. We gravitate towards people who reflect who we are. Consequently, individuals who have been labeled attractive move towards others deemed attractive. The exception is when an attractive person has low self- esteem and consciously seeks out people deemed less attractive only to make themselves feel good by comparison. Attractive people gravitating towards other attractive people may be conscious or subconscious. It is like being in an unspoken club where there is an unwritten understanding that we all fit what is desirable in society. Do not expect anyone to admit it. Is this superficial? Maybe! This is part of the process some people go through before they can evolve to their higher self. This mindless maze can go on well into adulthood and is heightened by a society that exalts beauty. It is a shallow cultural concept that influences everything from the clothes we wear to the car we drive. Everything is marketing…and the better it is done, the more desirable it is.

Part of being attractive is commensurate with how much confidence you have developed. It is essential that you believe that you are "hot." One of my mistakes as a child is that I suffered from low self- esteem. I did not know it then, because I felt like my preoccupation with my looks was healthy. In retrospect, the girls did not merely choose the boys who were attractive solely because of looks, but also because they were confident. The cool guys had confidence. Whether their discipline or lack there of was effective, they believed in what they were portraying. Many of them went down the wrong road of drugs and alcohol, but at the time, you could not tell that they were not desirable. I felt that I did not have enough going for me based on what the community valued to reinforce being confident. Remember, books and listening to your parents weren't cool. I never drank alcohol nor took drugs, what did I have to brag about? This was another addition to my reinvention, because I knew enough about human nature that my lifestyle would at some point be revered. Do not get me wrong, I felt like an outcast when I was growing up around this behavior and seemingly the only one not doing it. As I became focused on having life on my terms, I determined that those vices would hurt them and redeem me as the tables turned.

Sure enough, after I graduated from college, the status quo changed. The pretty girls in high school were having babies out of wedlock by several different men. They no longer had their "hour glass" figures. The cool guys were burned out by life and were heading nowhere. The change was drastic and in a short period of time. Soon the girls who had rejected me were seeing me in a different light. It was like I had come of age and suddenly they were interested in me. By then, I really did not like them nor see them as desirable, but the pain I had received from them caused me to have my way with them out of spite. I did not know that I was acting out of pain. I was merely paying them back for the way I was treated for trying to live my life uprightly. After all, why should they be pitied? Were they not the ones who chose the destructive path? That is how I felt at the subconscious level, but I really wasn't that cruel. My pain wanted to be vindicated, but I did not wish nor want to harm anyone. I was always connected-spiritually.

As I grew older, my transformation took shape. I never had much materially, but I made the best of what was available to me. As long as you are ambitious, possess some attractiveness, and are articulate, you can fit in almost anywhere you desire. I was driven to be the best and was considered an "overachiever" by society. My relationships with women suffered, because I did not trust their motives. Women seemed not to possess loyalty opting to go with the first pretty face they saw. In fact, I seemed to always find a flaw in them that turned me off. They were slightly overweight, had skinny legs, did not have an education, hung out too much, cried too much, etc… Subconsciously, I was looking for the perfect woman or the one I thought was perfect for me. I had reinvented myself to be the perfect man, so the flaws I saw had to be hers, not mine. It is true that what you fear the most persists in your life. Almost without exception, my belief in the disloyalty of women led me to find them in compromising positions. I could always say, "I knew they could not be trusted." There are no voices of reason with irrational values. Everyone is reading from the same cosmetic script. The attractive individuals who utter what is politically correct are not convincing, because they don't really believe it themselves. Who in their right mind would say, "I am attractive and I believe the world revolves around me?" That's a whole new level of charisma and confidence.