By Edward Brown
This Q & A session explores the inner workings of a charismatic person’s mind and lifestyle.
Q: What would be the most surprising aspect of a charismatic person’s lifestyle to the general public?
A: How simplistic his life is. Contrary to popular perception, a charismatic person would rather read a book, attend an educational symposium or visit a museum rather than frequent events unrelated to his mission.
Q: Is this to say, that a charismatic person is not a social animal?
A: No, he is sociable, but not in the way most people would believe. Most of his activities are mission oriented. The genuine charismatic person relishes power and control. He is less likely to attend functions that do not have some connection to his overall goals.
Q: Is this part of the discipline of the charismatic person?
A: Yes, even when he is being sociable, he is exhibiting a high degree of self-restraint and rectitude.
Q: Where does this extreme discipline come from?
A: Extreme discipline is the outgrowth of a preternatural focus on a mission. Along the way, the charismatic person made a conscious decision to rid himself of any ineffective habits, insignificant relationships, and destructive behavior that would prevent the manifestation of an idea.
Q: So, is having a balanced life important to the charismatic person?
A: A balance life is a relative term. For many people, a balanced life may be attempting to have as much pleasure simultaneously as possible. The charismatic person believes the joy of the mission is a reward within itself. And any pain that comes with furthering the mission is worth it. He is lofty and believes a balanced life is for individuals who truly have not found a compelling purpose to live. In the charismatic person’s mind, there is no such thing as balance when one is bringing a compelling idea to fruition. To be successful requires a focus that becomes skewed to the goals of the mission.
Q: Has the charismatic person relegated himself to becoming a machine?
A: Yes and no. He has become as regimented and relentless as a person can be, which may be machine-like, but he is still human. Through the ongoing process of his mission, he has become a political/ business animal with different emotional responses than the average person. He has an insatiable desire to maximize his performance. For the charismatic person, without a mission, life would cease to be valuable.
For more information, visit: Charisma
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
5 Ways to Enhance Your Charisma Using Historical Figures as Models
There are several ways to improve your ability to attract command and maintain success personally and professionally through the examples of historical figures.
Here are five ways to enhance your charisma through these models:
Develop a compelling plan and strategy. A major driving force for charismatic leaders is their ability to implement a plan stemming from an overarching mission. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a compelling plan to desegregate institutions within the United States and used marketing strategies through the media, celebrities and public outcry to draw attention to his mission.
Become a voracious reader. Charismatic leaders have a preternatural desire for acquiring more and more information and knowledge. Former President Bill Clinton reportedly reads up to five books at a time.
Cultivate your speaking skills. Charismatic leaders speak with a great deal of passion, clarity and action. Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan has the ability to speak to an audience and maintain rapt attention for hours. His use of current events, controversial topics and a clear understanding of the psychodynamics of his audience make his speeches riveting and mesmerizing.
Think and act differently. Charismatic leaders dance to the beat of their own drum. Whether basketball great Michael Jordan was wearing NBA banned multicolored sneakers, sporting a bald head or flying to the basket from the foul line, he consistently demonstrated the power of thinking and acting from one’s own perspective.
Take risks. Charismatic leaders are known for taking calculated risks. The late and legendary engineer and automotive executive John DeLorean created the sports car, the DeLorean. His larger-than-life personality was equal to his ambition. Without great risks, sometimes at great cost, the name DeLorean would be among the pantheon of car designers unknown to the world, but whose designs became iconic.
For more information, visit: Charisma
Here are five ways to enhance your charisma through these models:
Develop a compelling plan and strategy. A major driving force for charismatic leaders is their ability to implement a plan stemming from an overarching mission. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. had a compelling plan to desegregate institutions within the United States and used marketing strategies through the media, celebrities and public outcry to draw attention to his mission.
Become a voracious reader. Charismatic leaders have a preternatural desire for acquiring more and more information and knowledge. Former President Bill Clinton reportedly reads up to five books at a time.
Cultivate your speaking skills. Charismatic leaders speak with a great deal of passion, clarity and action. Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan has the ability to speak to an audience and maintain rapt attention for hours. His use of current events, controversial topics and a clear understanding of the psychodynamics of his audience make his speeches riveting and mesmerizing.
Think and act differently. Charismatic leaders dance to the beat of their own drum. Whether basketball great Michael Jordan was wearing NBA banned multicolored sneakers, sporting a bald head or flying to the basket from the foul line, he consistently demonstrated the power of thinking and acting from one’s own perspective.
Take risks. Charismatic leaders are known for taking calculated risks. The late and legendary engineer and automotive executive John DeLorean created the sports car, the DeLorean. His larger-than-life personality was equal to his ambition. Without great risks, sometimes at great cost, the name DeLorean would be among the pantheon of car designers unknown to the world, but whose designs became iconic.
For more information, visit: Charisma
Monday, April 11, 2011
The State of Charisma in the 21st Century, Pt. I
By Edward Brown
This Q & A explores the status of charisma in contemporary society.
Q: What is the current condition of charisma in the world today?
A: Currently, there are no seminal or visionary leaders on the world stage to speak about. It does not mean that they do not exist. Somewhere in the world, right now, there is someone trying to get a movement off the ground. He is either attempting to create momentum or maneuvering in his intellectual wilderness planning for the future.
Q: If this charismatic visionary is present, what is taking him so long to reveal his plan?
A: The current political movements in Africa and the Middle East are being mastermind by one or a few individuals. These individuals may be strategists, but not necessarily charismatic figures. Mass movements are often spearheaded by calculating individuals who weigh economic, social and political conditions and foment movement when the time seems ripe. These strategists may be consensus builders rather than positioning themselves for centralized leadership. They may pass the baton on to pockets of interested people rather than become the embodiment of a movement.
Q: So have conditions changed calling for strategists rather than charismatic leaders?
A: Eminent philosopher Thomas Carlyle once said that people were “hard-wired” for hero-worshipping. They inherently need to believe in something or someone bigger than themselves. Strategists can create social movements and change, but in the end, people cry out for a compelling person to articulate and embody their aspirations. Today, it is more difficult for compelling or charismatic leaders to come to fruition, because of the isolation, solitude and extreme discipline it takes to commit one’s life to an idea. It takes a different kind of fortitude to immerse oneself into a mission when less committed individuals may be gaining more attention through the Internet and multimedia.
Q: So if the state of charisma is intact, is it a mere case of the conditions being ideal for charismatic leaders to emerge?
A: Charisma will probably always be intact, because there will always be a compelling personality who seemingly comes out of nowhere and speaks for and outlines a plan to address the unfulfilled needs of a people. The world will never be overrun by charismatic leaders. The time, process and special conditions that align for such individuals to emerge are not prolific. It takes a long time for charismatic leaders to grapple with their role on the world stage as well as the time necessary to embrace a compelling idea that becomes a crusade.
Q: Where is the next challenge in the world that beckons for charismatic leadership?
A: That’s tricky! The sensitivity that charismatic leaders feel for certain
situations is unpredictable. Missions and crusades can last a lifetime. Be rest assured that authentic charismatic leaders are not “fly by night” overnight sensations. Every fiber of their being is geared to a specific cause that has taken a lifetime to align. Look for the person who may be seemingly under the radar, but that a few people have identified as being extremely different in personality and holding passionate, transformational views of the world. He is potentially the next charismatic icon.
Related: Charisma
This Q & A explores the status of charisma in contemporary society.
Q: What is the current condition of charisma in the world today?
A: Currently, there are no seminal or visionary leaders on the world stage to speak about. It does not mean that they do not exist. Somewhere in the world, right now, there is someone trying to get a movement off the ground. He is either attempting to create momentum or maneuvering in his intellectual wilderness planning for the future.
Q: If this charismatic visionary is present, what is taking him so long to reveal his plan?
A: The current political movements in Africa and the Middle East are being mastermind by one or a few individuals. These individuals may be strategists, but not necessarily charismatic figures. Mass movements are often spearheaded by calculating individuals who weigh economic, social and political conditions and foment movement when the time seems ripe. These strategists may be consensus builders rather than positioning themselves for centralized leadership. They may pass the baton on to pockets of interested people rather than become the embodiment of a movement.
Q: So have conditions changed calling for strategists rather than charismatic leaders?
A: Eminent philosopher Thomas Carlyle once said that people were “hard-wired” for hero-worshipping. They inherently need to believe in something or someone bigger than themselves. Strategists can create social movements and change, but in the end, people cry out for a compelling person to articulate and embody their aspirations. Today, it is more difficult for compelling or charismatic leaders to come to fruition, because of the isolation, solitude and extreme discipline it takes to commit one’s life to an idea. It takes a different kind of fortitude to immerse oneself into a mission when less committed individuals may be gaining more attention through the Internet and multimedia.
Q: So if the state of charisma is intact, is it a mere case of the conditions being ideal for charismatic leaders to emerge?
A: Charisma will probably always be intact, because there will always be a compelling personality who seemingly comes out of nowhere and speaks for and outlines a plan to address the unfulfilled needs of a people. The world will never be overrun by charismatic leaders. The time, process and special conditions that align for such individuals to emerge are not prolific. It takes a long time for charismatic leaders to grapple with their role on the world stage as well as the time necessary to embrace a compelling idea that becomes a crusade.
Q: Where is the next challenge in the world that beckons for charismatic leadership?
A: That’s tricky! The sensitivity that charismatic leaders feel for certain
situations is unpredictable. Missions and crusades can last a lifetime. Be rest assured that authentic charismatic leaders are not “fly by night” overnight sensations. Every fiber of their being is geared to a specific cause that has taken a lifetime to align. Look for the person who may be seemingly under the radar, but that a few people have identified as being extremely different in personality and holding passionate, transformational views of the world. He is potentially the next charismatic icon.
Related: Charisma
Sunday, April 3, 2011
When Charisma Isn’t Enough
By Edward Brown
This Q & A session explores the shortcomings of charisma and its drawbacks.
Q: What are some of the things charisma cannot do?
A: Contrary to popular beliefs, charisma is not the cure for all things. For example, charisma cannot create competence when there is ineptitude. It tends not to be able to replicate itself. And It cannot sustain long lasting success without an ultimate goal or a specific vision.
Q: What is meant by the inability of charisma to replicate or copy itself?
A: The imagination, tenacity and focus within charismatic leaders are aligned, but tend not to be completely transferrable to another person. Secondly, followers of charismatic leaders are fulfilling an internal need within themselves that make creating disciples difficult. Again, the specialness of a charismatic leader leaves a void when his leadership becomes vacant, which is not easily filled through individuals with less charismatic proclivities.
Q: Could a person at least replicate the traits of the charismatic leader although he may not have a charismatic personality?
A: External manifestations like great oratorical skills, enhanced interpersonal communications and phenomenal execution are learnable. However, an overriding desire to compete and take on a missionary zeal requires the synchronization of insecurity, narcissism, imagination and commitment at a heightened level. Children can replicate the actions of their sports heroes, but the level of skill, tenacity and world class performance requires a different level of internal fortitude that imitation merely cannot produce.
Q: Why can’t charisma be sustained indefinitely?
A: The charismatic personality will always be charismatic. Often the initial need for charismatic leadership may change. The change may require less charisma, less innovation and more stability. Also, charisma is situational. There are certain ideal situations where charismatic leadership thrives and other situations where it is stagnant.
Q: What historical cases speak to the stagnation of charisma?
A: Two current political examples come to mind. In Libya, Muammar Gadhafi led a bloodless coup in 1969 that lasted until recently. Gadhafi was like a rock star during the 1980’s. The same existed for Fidel Castro and Che Guevara during the Cuban Revolution. They captured the attention of the world, but diminished as time passed. Well, Castro has diminished, but because Guevara was killed before he became irrelevant, the mythology around him still swirls. The frailty of charismatic leaders is not leaving the scene before they are ruled insignificant. Martin Luther King, Jr. suffered the same plight. His charisma had been usurped by SNCC (Student Non-violent Coordinating Committee) and the Black Panthers. Had he not been assassinated, it is arguable whether his leadership would have taken on mythic proportions.
Q: So, only death can preserve the charismatic leader?
A: Death preserves the mythology at the height of his acclaim. However, a charismatic leader can groom disciples who represent his mission. A good example would be the founder of the Nation of Islam, Elijah Muhammad. By having the likes of Malcolm X and Louis Farrakhan as his spokespersons, his charisma and mystery was preserved. In this instance, Muhammad used budding charismatic leaders to further a compelling concept. Rarely has charismatic leadership been used in this way.
For more information, visit: Charisma
This Q & A session explores the shortcomings of charisma and its drawbacks.
Q: What are some of the things charisma cannot do?
A: Contrary to popular beliefs, charisma is not the cure for all things. For example, charisma cannot create competence when there is ineptitude. It tends not to be able to replicate itself. And It cannot sustain long lasting success without an ultimate goal or a specific vision.
Q: What is meant by the inability of charisma to replicate or copy itself?
A: The imagination, tenacity and focus within charismatic leaders are aligned, but tend not to be completely transferrable to another person. Secondly, followers of charismatic leaders are fulfilling an internal need within themselves that make creating disciples difficult. Again, the specialness of a charismatic leader leaves a void when his leadership becomes vacant, which is not easily filled through individuals with less charismatic proclivities.
Q: Could a person at least replicate the traits of the charismatic leader although he may not have a charismatic personality?
A: External manifestations like great oratorical skills, enhanced interpersonal communications and phenomenal execution are learnable. However, an overriding desire to compete and take on a missionary zeal requires the synchronization of insecurity, narcissism, imagination and commitment at a heightened level. Children can replicate the actions of their sports heroes, but the level of skill, tenacity and world class performance requires a different level of internal fortitude that imitation merely cannot produce.
Q: Why can’t charisma be sustained indefinitely?
A: The charismatic personality will always be charismatic. Often the initial need for charismatic leadership may change. The change may require less charisma, less innovation and more stability. Also, charisma is situational. There are certain ideal situations where charismatic leadership thrives and other situations where it is stagnant.
Q: What historical cases speak to the stagnation of charisma?
A: Two current political examples come to mind. In Libya, Muammar Gadhafi led a bloodless coup in 1969 that lasted until recently. Gadhafi was like a rock star during the 1980’s. The same existed for Fidel Castro and Che Guevara during the Cuban Revolution. They captured the attention of the world, but diminished as time passed. Well, Castro has diminished, but because Guevara was killed before he became irrelevant, the mythology around him still swirls. The frailty of charismatic leaders is not leaving the scene before they are ruled insignificant. Martin Luther King, Jr. suffered the same plight. His charisma had been usurped by SNCC (Student Non-violent Coordinating Committee) and the Black Panthers. Had he not been assassinated, it is arguable whether his leadership would have taken on mythic proportions.
Q: So, only death can preserve the charismatic leader?
A: Death preserves the mythology at the height of his acclaim. However, a charismatic leader can groom disciples who represent his mission. A good example would be the founder of the Nation of Islam, Elijah Muhammad. By having the likes of Malcolm X and Louis Farrakhan as his spokespersons, his charisma and mystery was preserved. In this instance, Muhammad used budding charismatic leaders to further a compelling concept. Rarely has charismatic leadership been used in this way.
For more information, visit: Charisma
Monday, March 28, 2011
Charisma: Before & After
By Edward Brown
The manifestation of charisma has changed over the past 40 years. This Q& A delves into what happened and why.
Q: How has charisma changed in the last few decades?
A: Essentially, individuals started focusing on being popular versus being effective. Everyone wants his/ her 15 minutes of fame and entertainment has trumped all other vocations and aspirations.
Q: What brought about this seismic shift?
A: There are many factors to choose from: The expansion of multimedia, the emergence of the Internet, the morphing of art into reality, the transcendence of sports and entertainment as a past time activity to a way of life. Entertainment overtook law, science and education.
Q: How does the desire to be popular impact charisma?
A: Charismatic leaders are motivated by an internal struggle to rewrite history. It is a long and arduous struggle to start from mere imagination to an idea coming to fruition. Effectiveness takes decades where popularity can come overnight. It is the difference between Maurice White, who went from The Ramsey Lewis Trio to forming the musical group Earth, Wind & Fire and Justin Beiber. White created masterpieces where Beiber creates pop art. Both frameworks are conceptual.
Q: If there is a shortage of charismatic personalities and events, how does new technology fit in? Have the inventors of FaceBook, Amazon or Microsoft redefined what charisma is?
A: Zuckerberg, Bezos and Gates would be described as “geeks.” They were the guys in school who were out of favor with the “Cool Crowd” that girls didn’t necessarily like. These captains of industry proved that geeks or “smart” people win in the end. They are not charismatic, but their inventions have a high degree of magnetism. Interesting enough, a medium that would act most favorable to introverts and “cast aways” is also used by the Cool Crowd. These three individuals alone turned conventional wisdom on its ear by having the world come to them as opposed to them going to the world.
But, make no mistake, these three men are polar opposites of the late auto designer John DeLorean, who was charismatic and a great inventor simultaneously.
Q: So, did Zuckerberg, Bezos and Gates create an environment where charisma is null and void?
A: No, they created an environment where charisma could flourish. A charismatic leader has greater opportunities and resources for leading and maintaining a mission/crusade in ways that were not available years ago. The charismatic leader and people with compelling ideas can cut out the middle man. In the same vein, it is also more difficult to get a message out due to the cacophony or “mass noise” of insignificant people trying to gain fame.
The difference between the messages of the charismatic leader versus the masses is that the charismatic leader will spend a lifetime working towards the manifestation of an idea. The masses looking for 15 minutes of fame will quit and move on to something else in a quest to be popular. Today, more than ever, relentlessness and persistency pays off for the charismatic personality with a compelling idea.
For more information, visit: Charisma
The manifestation of charisma has changed over the past 40 years. This Q& A delves into what happened and why.
Q: How has charisma changed in the last few decades?
A: Essentially, individuals started focusing on being popular versus being effective. Everyone wants his/ her 15 minutes of fame and entertainment has trumped all other vocations and aspirations.
Q: What brought about this seismic shift?
A: There are many factors to choose from: The expansion of multimedia, the emergence of the Internet, the morphing of art into reality, the transcendence of sports and entertainment as a past time activity to a way of life. Entertainment overtook law, science and education.
Q: How does the desire to be popular impact charisma?
A: Charismatic leaders are motivated by an internal struggle to rewrite history. It is a long and arduous struggle to start from mere imagination to an idea coming to fruition. Effectiveness takes decades where popularity can come overnight. It is the difference between Maurice White, who went from The Ramsey Lewis Trio to forming the musical group Earth, Wind & Fire and Justin Beiber. White created masterpieces where Beiber creates pop art. Both frameworks are conceptual.
Q: If there is a shortage of charismatic personalities and events, how does new technology fit in? Have the inventors of FaceBook, Amazon or Microsoft redefined what charisma is?
A: Zuckerberg, Bezos and Gates would be described as “geeks.” They were the guys in school who were out of favor with the “Cool Crowd” that girls didn’t necessarily like. These captains of industry proved that geeks or “smart” people win in the end. They are not charismatic, but their inventions have a high degree of magnetism. Interesting enough, a medium that would act most favorable to introverts and “cast aways” is also used by the Cool Crowd. These three individuals alone turned conventional wisdom on its ear by having the world come to them as opposed to them going to the world.
But, make no mistake, these three men are polar opposites of the late auto designer John DeLorean, who was charismatic and a great inventor simultaneously.
Q: So, did Zuckerberg, Bezos and Gates create an environment where charisma is null and void?
A: No, they created an environment where charisma could flourish. A charismatic leader has greater opportunities and resources for leading and maintaining a mission/crusade in ways that were not available years ago. The charismatic leader and people with compelling ideas can cut out the middle man. In the same vein, it is also more difficult to get a message out due to the cacophony or “mass noise” of insignificant people trying to gain fame.
The difference between the messages of the charismatic leader versus the masses is that the charismatic leader will spend a lifetime working towards the manifestation of an idea. The masses looking for 15 minutes of fame will quit and move on to something else in a quest to be popular. Today, more than ever, relentlessness and persistency pays off for the charismatic personality with a compelling idea.
For more information, visit: Charisma
Monday, March 21, 2011
Charismatic Leadership Uncovered
During this Q& A session, typical questions about charisma and charismatic leadership are addressed.
1. Why do many people describe themselves as charismatic?
The short answer is that people often like to consistently think well of themselves. They want to be seen as attractive, smart and engaging. Charisma is an ideal that most people desire and usually draw on one incident where they demonstrated charismatic traits. The fact is that charisma is more than what one does. It is who one is.
2. Why are people delusional about their charisma quotient?
Pundits and opinion makers often characterize charisma as easily attainable through certain behavioral manifestations. By merely developing high interpersonal skills, great oratory and the ability to tell great stories, one may be described as charismatic. Because many pundits do not delve into the inner recesses of the charismatic mind, they do not know what goes on inside the charismatic personality.
3. What actually goes on inside the charismatic personality?
Although charismatic personalities may differ from person to person, there are some similarities that may emerge. For example, the typical charismatic personality sees itself as a “bigger than life” figure. His vainglorious exploits are representative of his passion and missionary zeal for some great task to accomplish. He sees connections that other view as disparate. Charismatic personalities are immersed within the field of ideas as well as a compelling idea that serves as a motivating factor.
4. Is there a distinction between being charismatic and exhibiting charismatic traits?
Yes, anyone can utilize the tools used by charismatic personalities, i.e., engaged eye contact, focused attention and emotion-filled dialogue.
However, charismatic personalities use the aforementioned tools s as well as possess an insatiable desire to understand human nature, a preternatural ability to dedicate one’s life to a specific task and a “big picture” view of the world that has to be brought to fruition. Charismatic traits scratch the surface of a visceral charismatic personality.
5. What influences create a charismatic personality?
Extreme emotional sensitivity, social environment, insecurity, and biological proclivities make for the charismatic personality. Charismatic personalities emerge from the fusion of personal strengths and weaknesses aligning to create a highly motivated, highly imaginative, self-possessed, force of nature.
1. Why do many people describe themselves as charismatic?
The short answer is that people often like to consistently think well of themselves. They want to be seen as attractive, smart and engaging. Charisma is an ideal that most people desire and usually draw on one incident where they demonstrated charismatic traits. The fact is that charisma is more than what one does. It is who one is.
2. Why are people delusional about their charisma quotient?
Pundits and opinion makers often characterize charisma as easily attainable through certain behavioral manifestations. By merely developing high interpersonal skills, great oratory and the ability to tell great stories, one may be described as charismatic. Because many pundits do not delve into the inner recesses of the charismatic mind, they do not know what goes on inside the charismatic personality.
3. What actually goes on inside the charismatic personality?
Although charismatic personalities may differ from person to person, there are some similarities that may emerge. For example, the typical charismatic personality sees itself as a “bigger than life” figure. His vainglorious exploits are representative of his passion and missionary zeal for some great task to accomplish. He sees connections that other view as disparate. Charismatic personalities are immersed within the field of ideas as well as a compelling idea that serves as a motivating factor.
4. Is there a distinction between being charismatic and exhibiting charismatic traits?
Yes, anyone can utilize the tools used by charismatic personalities, i.e., engaged eye contact, focused attention and emotion-filled dialogue.
However, charismatic personalities use the aforementioned tools s as well as possess an insatiable desire to understand human nature, a preternatural ability to dedicate one’s life to a specific task and a “big picture” view of the world that has to be brought to fruition. Charismatic traits scratch the surface of a visceral charismatic personality.
5. What influences create a charismatic personality?
Extreme emotional sensitivity, social environment, insecurity, and biological proclivities make for the charismatic personality. Charismatic personalities emerge from the fusion of personal strengths and weaknesses aligning to create a highly motivated, highly imaginative, self-possessed, force of nature.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Can Charisma Help Overcome Personal Preferences?
Dear Core Edge/Mr. Brown:
I have followed your work on charisma, particularly your blog, radio show and You Tube videos. I’ve found your ideas inspiring, thought provoking and generally on point. However, there is one aspect of human nature I believe charisma can’t overcome---personal preferences. I don’t believe that individuals who are extremely short, unattractive or the myriad of characteristics deemed contrary to an ideal standard can be overcome by being more charismatic. On countless occasions, I have seen where nice guys have finished last and the “jerks” that women say they hate, succeed in numerous ways. How can charisma be used to help the “underdog” succeed?
The Last Nice Guy
Omaha, Nebraska
Dear Last Nice Guy:
It has been my experience that most things in life are relative. Most people do not attempt to objectively determine their marketability within personal and professional settings. In other words, how do you rate against the basic choices and options an employer or opposite sex has at their disposal? If you have something to offer or bring to the table, you are in a better position to ask for and get what you desire. Individuals can be delusional and see themselves in “leagues” where they may or may not fit. But, the ones who have a track record of being confirmed to operate within certain arenas gravitate towards people they believe they have a kinship with. Opposites may attract, but similarities keep people together. Nice guys should attempt to meet nice girls, not necessarily “hot girls.” “Hot girls” are not necessarily negative, but the constant attention they attract creates a self-perception in their minds of being highly valued. Their ideal man has a similar impression of himself. He may be as much of a “monster” as she is. Remember, opposites may attract, but similarities keep people together. Many guys want to be charismatic to attract more women, but never take inventory of what they have to offer and how would those traits tie into the needs of women. For example, if women have a need for emotional, financial and physical security, how do you rank? Does a woman feel comfortable communicating with you (which leads to emotional security)? Does she feel you are fiscally responsible and manage your money wisely (which leads to financial security)? When she’s out in public with you, does she feel protected by the potential for danger (which leads to physical security)?
Guys who merely complain about the attitudes and maltreatment by attractive women have not developed the edge and savvy that life teaches you when you’re paying attention. In a patriarchal society, the totally secure woman is a misnomer. Everything from songs to TV commercials is geared to keeping women insecure (Men have also become targets). From childhood to adulthood, women are indoctrinated into an idealized belief system, which is used against them for manipulative purposes—Beauty, marriage and children. The “bad boys” have decoded this dynamic and consequently objectify women, because they seemingly view women as being cut from the same cloth. In this sense, beautiful women are not necessarily special to these guys. These guys play the numbers knowing full well that the odds favor their winning more than losing. There will be more women who give him what they want than those who reject them.
A man who is self-possessed and makes the world bend to his will is seen as attractive. This trait is often viewed as confidence, but it is also a paradigmatic reality or a mode of viewing people and the world. Nice guys often take a “permissive’” approach to life, looking for acceptance rather than acquiring and maintaining power.
Charismatic people are about achieving power and seeing their mission come to fruition. They are inclined to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. They are preternaturally curious about human nature and use this knowledge to affect their end. They are Machiavellian in that they do what is best for the situation rather than adhering to moral imperatives. The charismatic individual can be both loved and hated by people and understand clearly why both groups feel a certain way about him. In some respect, he created the dichotomy---intentionally.
Does charisma help individuals skew personal preferences in their favor? Yes and no. Charisma is all about pulling out of people what already exists. Effective oratory, storytelling and developing interpersonal communication skills are tools used to fulfill certain needs within individuals. By being a student of human nature and using the tools mastered by charismatic personalities, you can achieve greater personal and professional success. Here are a few tips:
1. Assess your strengths and what has helped you achieve past success to discover personal and professional opportunities.
2. Assess whether a potential mate will be mutually beneficial.
3. Determine that you are the center of your universe and everything revolves around your worldview and choices.
4. Operate where you have the greatest potential for success. Find people who are comparable to you by making an objective assessment of who and what you are.
5. Be professional, not nice. In some venues, niceness can be seen as a sign of weakness.
6. Don’t act like attractive people are doing you a favor by acknowledging your existence. Set the stage, make the rules and lay the groundwork for what you want.
7. Like any bad deal or opportunity, don’t be afraid to walk away. Be vigilant over all your interests—emotionally, financially and psychologically.
I have followed your work on charisma, particularly your blog, radio show and You Tube videos. I’ve found your ideas inspiring, thought provoking and generally on point. However, there is one aspect of human nature I believe charisma can’t overcome---personal preferences. I don’t believe that individuals who are extremely short, unattractive or the myriad of characteristics deemed contrary to an ideal standard can be overcome by being more charismatic. On countless occasions, I have seen where nice guys have finished last and the “jerks” that women say they hate, succeed in numerous ways. How can charisma be used to help the “underdog” succeed?
The Last Nice Guy
Omaha, Nebraska
Dear Last Nice Guy:
It has been my experience that most things in life are relative. Most people do not attempt to objectively determine their marketability within personal and professional settings. In other words, how do you rate against the basic choices and options an employer or opposite sex has at their disposal? If you have something to offer or bring to the table, you are in a better position to ask for and get what you desire. Individuals can be delusional and see themselves in “leagues” where they may or may not fit. But, the ones who have a track record of being confirmed to operate within certain arenas gravitate towards people they believe they have a kinship with. Opposites may attract, but similarities keep people together. Nice guys should attempt to meet nice girls, not necessarily “hot girls.” “Hot girls” are not necessarily negative, but the constant attention they attract creates a self-perception in their minds of being highly valued. Their ideal man has a similar impression of himself. He may be as much of a “monster” as she is. Remember, opposites may attract, but similarities keep people together. Many guys want to be charismatic to attract more women, but never take inventory of what they have to offer and how would those traits tie into the needs of women. For example, if women have a need for emotional, financial and physical security, how do you rank? Does a woman feel comfortable communicating with you (which leads to emotional security)? Does she feel you are fiscally responsible and manage your money wisely (which leads to financial security)? When she’s out in public with you, does she feel protected by the potential for danger (which leads to physical security)?
Guys who merely complain about the attitudes and maltreatment by attractive women have not developed the edge and savvy that life teaches you when you’re paying attention. In a patriarchal society, the totally secure woman is a misnomer. Everything from songs to TV commercials is geared to keeping women insecure (Men have also become targets). From childhood to adulthood, women are indoctrinated into an idealized belief system, which is used against them for manipulative purposes—Beauty, marriage and children. The “bad boys” have decoded this dynamic and consequently objectify women, because they seemingly view women as being cut from the same cloth. In this sense, beautiful women are not necessarily special to these guys. These guys play the numbers knowing full well that the odds favor their winning more than losing. There will be more women who give him what they want than those who reject them.
A man who is self-possessed and makes the world bend to his will is seen as attractive. This trait is often viewed as confidence, but it is also a paradigmatic reality or a mode of viewing people and the world. Nice guys often take a “permissive’” approach to life, looking for acceptance rather than acquiring and maintaining power.
Charismatic people are about achieving power and seeing their mission come to fruition. They are inclined to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. They are preternaturally curious about human nature and use this knowledge to affect their end. They are Machiavellian in that they do what is best for the situation rather than adhering to moral imperatives. The charismatic individual can be both loved and hated by people and understand clearly why both groups feel a certain way about him. In some respect, he created the dichotomy---intentionally.
Does charisma help individuals skew personal preferences in their favor? Yes and no. Charisma is all about pulling out of people what already exists. Effective oratory, storytelling and developing interpersonal communication skills are tools used to fulfill certain needs within individuals. By being a student of human nature and using the tools mastered by charismatic personalities, you can achieve greater personal and professional success. Here are a few tips:
1. Assess your strengths and what has helped you achieve past success to discover personal and professional opportunities.
2. Assess whether a potential mate will be mutually beneficial.
3. Determine that you are the center of your universe and everything revolves around your worldview and choices.
4. Operate where you have the greatest potential for success. Find people who are comparable to you by making an objective assessment of who and what you are.
5. Be professional, not nice. In some venues, niceness can be seen as a sign of weakness.
6. Don’t act like attractive people are doing you a favor by acknowledging your existence. Set the stage, make the rules and lay the groundwork for what you want.
7. Like any bad deal or opportunity, don’t be afraid to walk away. Be vigilant over all your interests—emotionally, financially and psychologically.
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